The journey of surviving infidelity in marriage is full of thorns. Only those who undergo it understand the pain of infidelity. It all starts with the shock of discovery. The shock comes as a gigantic wave that shatters the very foundation of your relationship and wipes out love, trust and security. What you are left with is a permanent crack in your relationship that makes it very difficult for you to heal yourself and your marriage. BUT, however difficult it may seem, always remember that surviving infidelity in marriage is not impossible. As the name suggests this blog ‘Surviving Infidelity is created with only one aim, i.e. empowering you with tools and resources to move from affair-struck to affair-proof marriage.
Surviving infidelity is a very overwhelming and emotionally draining task. Your life has turned upside down and problems are staring straight in your face. You can’t turn away. You have to recover from the pain, deal with your tattered relationship, communicate with your cheating spouse and perform your various responsibilities all at the same time. The image in the left represents your mental state.
We understand that taking steps towards healing is the last thing in your mind. Right now you really want to run away from all the mess. But it is a very short sighted and unpractical approach. Pain won’t disappear if you neglect it. In fact, this is the right time to deal with different aspects of your life – one at a time. No need to over-stress yourself with loads of issues springing in your mind .
I have presented a proven 3 step blueprint that helps you deal with various issues of infidelity. You can download the mind-map of this system here. But don’t read it immediately. First go through this article and grasp the idea of steps that are involved. Though it’s a very condensed form of the entire system, you will understand what it takes to successfully surviving infidelity. So let’s go step- by-step and start the journey of surviving infidelity with the most important person in your life. That is you!
Surviving Infidelity Step 1: Individual Healing
You have already over-thought about how you are cheated, destroyed and broken by your spouse. Now, take a little pause and think what you can do to yourself? If you find it hard to divert your mind drastically, just think what you would for your best friend if he/she was going through depression. Be your best friend and surviving infidelity will become much easier.
Do you love shopping (who don’t), watching movies or reading books? Pamper yourself. You deserve it. Do all the things you wanted to do since long but didn’t find the time.
Find old buddies on Facebook and meet them, get yourself new hairdo and luxurious spa.
Gift yourself with flowers, chocolates or meal at your favorite restaurant.
During this period reading good books on the subject of surviving infidelity in marriage or any self-help book in general will help you heal faster and rebuild self-esteem.
Meditation and breathing exercises will be very useful for restoring emotional stability.
It is advisable to share your pain with someone whom you trust. A good catharsis session with a friend or relative will definitely make you feel lighter. If you don’t have a friend to confide, there must have few Infidelity support groups in your nearby locality.
You may not feel the energy to do all these but you will surely start enjoying the process once you take the first step. The key point in surviving infidelity in marriage is to see and treat yourself as an individual whose existence is very precious to you and stop seeing yourself as a victim whose life is determined by someone else’s action even though that someone is your spouse.
Surviving Infidelity Step 2: Heal as Couple
Surviving Infidelity is not possible without involving your spouse in the process. Definitely he/she has to undergo personal healing before beginning taking step 2. After you both have learned to deal with negative emotions and individual issues, it’s time to recover your relationship.
Acceptance
The healing of relationship starts with Acceptance. Without getting over the past, it is not possible for you to work on your marriage. Here, I endorse the idea of acceptance over forgiveness. With acceptance you can get unstuck from the past and take a rational look at your relationship without jumping onto forgiveness with a bitter heart.
Accepting the affair of your spouse will allow you to systematically work through your anger, overcome your anxiety, and rebuild trust in your partner. Eventually acceptance may lead to forgiveness at some point, but it will set you free from the burning question “Should I forgive my spouse or not?”
Communication
Since the discovery of the affair, your emotions have frozen, your words have silenced. you have stopped communicating. Now is the right time to melt your heart and start talking. Your relationship won’t heal if you don’t talk. You have so many things to discuss and resolve. Explore your emotional needs, romance, companionship, and many other elements. Rediscover each other with meaningful conversations.
Surviving Infidelity Step 3: Rebuilding A New Relationship
Love and trust are two pillars on which any marriage stands. A relationship begins with love but sustains with trust. In this step, both partners will have to work on building trust. It is mandatory to cement the broken trust otherwise your marriage won’t last long. But how you can trust someone who has been caught red-handed breaking that trust?
The process of rebuilding trust after affair takes time. It is achieved by a mutual agreement between both partners to work through the process with commitment and acknowledgement. Being transparent to each other is the best strategy you can adopt.
Transparency: It is important to set the code of transparency between two partners. While it is expected from the offending partner to honor the code of transparency at any cost, you can guide your spouse about the triggers that cause you to get into suspect mode. It’s hard to open up to someone you aren’t sure you can trust. But it is only through being fully honest with your spouse that you can reestablish intimacy and heal the damage that has been done.
Final Words
Surviving Infidelity in marriage is as worse as walking on the razor’s edge. Either you will have your heart broken once again (it will be much more devastating than now) or you will have your marriage rebuilt better than ever.
The key things you need are the commitment to make your relationship work and learning the mission critical steps that will help you not only surviving infidelity but also reviving the relationship with love and trust. I would suggest you to look at the review of “How to survive an affair“, a proven program for surviving infidelity that shows you in detail this exact blueprint and steps you should follow to move from affair-struck to affair-proof marriage.